Bible Questions & Answers

BQA11

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9

Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce & Remarriage

The statistics tell us that nearly one in two marriages taking place in the United States today will end in divorce, and the statistics are not much better for Christian marriages. We see the evidence of decay all around us. What are we to make of these statistics, especially when we turn to the Bible and find that God requires chastity before marriage, fidelity afterward, and lifelong unions of wives and husbands without easy divorce as an escape?

A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.
-French Proverb

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
-Robert Quillen (1887–1948)

Choose your wife by ear rather than by eye. -Billy Graham

A man too good for the world is no good for his wife.
-Jewish Proverb

A wife is not a guitar; you can’t play on her and then hang her on the wall. – Russian Proverb

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will become very happy. If you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.
– Socrates (470–399 b.c.)

It is not marriage that fails, it is people that fail.
– Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878–1969)

The reasons for marriage.
The only thing that was not “good” about creation was the fact that the man was alone (Gen. 2:18). The woman was created to meet this need. He needed a companion who was equal to him and with whom he could find fulfillment. God’s answer to this need was Eve. Marriage makes possible the continuation of the race. “Be fruitful, and multiply” was God’s mandate to the first married couple (Gen. 1:28). From the beginning it was God’s command that sex be practiced in the commitment of marriage. Outside of marriage, sex becomes a destructive force, but within the loving commitment of marriage, sex can be creative and constructive.

When we compare our practices with God’s standards, we might very well exclaim, as the disciples do in Matthew 19:10, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

But it is good to marry! The problem is not with the institution of marriage, since marriage is God’s idea. It was God who brought the first bride to the first groom in Eden, after all. Everything God does is good. The problem is sin, or to put it another way, the problem is with our own hard hearts, which Jesus refers to explicitly in verse Matthew 19:8. Jesus says, referring to the Old Testament law about divorce (Deut. 24:1–4), “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.”

Old Testament View of Divorce

Because sinful human nature made divorce inevitable, Moses had instituted laws to help its victims. Under Jewish law, only a ­husband could initiate and carry out a divorce. The civil laws protected the women, who, in that culture, were quite vulnerable when living alone. Because of Moses’ law, a man could no longer just throw his wife out—he had to write a formal letter of dismissal, a certificate of divorce, so she could remarry and reclaim her dowry. This was a major step toward civil rights for women, for it made a man think twice before sending his wife away. Moses’ words gave protection to the wife and limited abuses of divorce.

Under Old Testament law, divorce was permitted according to Deuteronomy 24:1–4. This passage was not concerned with the case of an adulterous wife (the penalty for adultery was death, Deut. 22:22). Rather, it deals with divorce because of dislike or “incompatibility.”

God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), that is, unscriptural divorce. He does not hate all divorce because He speaks of Himself as having divorced Israel (Jer. 3:8). This was because the nation forsook Him to worship idols. Israel was unfaithful.

Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce

Divorce was never God’s intention for man. His ideal is that one man and one woman remain married until their union is broken by death (Rom. 7:2, 3). Jesus made this clear to the Pharisees by appealing to the divine order at creation (Matt. 19:4–6).

whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery (Matthew 5:32). This does not mean that she automatically becomes an adulteress; it presupposes that, having no means of support, she is forced to live with another man. In so doing she becomes an adulteress. Not only is the former wife living in adultery, whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Jesus did not teach that the offended mate had to get a divorce. Certainly there can be forgiveness, patient healing, and a restoration of the broken relationship. This would be the Christian approach to the problem. But, sad to say, because of the hardness of our hearts, it is sometimes impossible to heal the wounds and save the marriage. Divorce is the final option, not the first option.

Is Divorce Permitted?

In Matthew 5:31, 32 and 19:9, Jesus taught that divorce was forbidden except when one of the partners had been guilty of sexual immorality. Therefore, even though divorce is not the ideal, it is permitted in the case where one’s partner has been unfaithful. Jesus allows divorce, but He does not command it.

What is Fornication?

The words “marital unfaithfulness” in the New International Version prejudge the issue because they mean “adultery.” But “adultery” is not the actual meaning of the word they translate. The Greek word for adultery is moicheia. It is the equivalent in Greek of the Latin words ad alterius torum, which mean “to another’s bed.” We have condensed the three Latin words into our single word adultery. This is what moicheia means, but it is not the word in this passage. The word that occurs here is porneia, which most older versions of the Bible rightly translate as “fornication.” It is broader than moicheia. Porneia refers to different kinds of sexual sin. It is based on the verb pernemi (“to sell”), referring to prostitution, first of all, but then also to other kinds of sexual conduct outside of marriage.

The Greek word translated “marital unfaithfulness” is porneia. It has a wide range of definitions.

(1) committing adultery (one offense)

(2) unfaithfulness during the betrothal (engagement) period (Example: Joseph & Mary)

(3) an illegitimate or incestuous marriage (the man and wife were later discovered to be near relatives or cousins)

(4) continued and unrepented unfaithfulness or living in sin.

(5) This word was not restricted to adultery, but denoted sexual licence in a variety of circumstances, including with prostitutes.

Women in first-century Judaism, for the most part, would have lacked the social power or sanction to initiate divorce, which would explain why the man is addressed in this saying.

Jesus said that divorce is not permissible except for unfaithful­ness. This does not mean that divorce should automatically occur when a spouse commits adultery. The word translated “unfaithfulness” implies a sexually immoral lifestyle, not a confessed and repented act of adultery. Those who discover that their spouse has been unfaithful should first make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore their relationship. We should always look for reasons to restore the marriage relation­ship rather than for excuses to leave it.

Divorce is as hurtful and destructive today as in Jesus’ day. God intends marriage to be a lifetime commitment (Genesis 2:24). People should never consider divorce an option for solving ­problems or a way out of a relationship that seems dead.

May a Divorced Person Remarry?

Jesus would seem to prohibit divorced persons from remarry­ing, forcing them to live either in celibacy or in sin. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). Jesus’ main point was that people should not use the divorce laws to dispose of a partner in order to get another one.

May a divorced person, who truly repents of a sinful past and commits his or her life to God, remarry? We long for a simple, direct reply to that question, but we have only biblical context as an answer. We have Jesus’ high view of marriage and low view of divorce recorded in the Gospels. Jesus proclaimed new life—full forgiveness and restoration—to all who would come to God in repentance and faith. Spiritual discernment is essential here, but the gospel— God’s promise of wholeness and full healing—includes the sacred bond of marriage. Churches should be ready to give a repentant, formerly married person the opportunity to marry another believer.

Some Christians hold a particularly harsh and tyrannical view that ignores the Lord’s escape clause for the innocent victim of a broken marriage. If the innocent party is a woman and she remarries, they cast stones at her in a particularly nasty way. They accuse her of having two living husbands.

Here is an example: commentator John Phillips writes: A woman suffers for years because of the infidelity of her husband. The woman seeks refuge in divorce and begins to pick up the shattered fragments of her life. At this point her husband abandons her and leaves her to get along as best she can. Eventually she meets a man who proposes marriage. He is an itinerant servant of the Lord, a man she honors and respects. The woman, according to the Lord’s own rule, is an innocent victim; she has Scriptural grounds for fifty divorces. So the marriage takes place. Almost at once the man receives a letter from a group of professing Christians to whom he has ministered on many occasions; he is told that he will no longer be welcome as a speaker in their church because his wife has two living husbands. The poor woman now has a new cross to carry. She is made to feel that she is some kind of pariah. Such heartlessness is not the spirit of Christ (John Phillips).

Apostle Paul used marriage as an illustration of the intimate relationship between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-23). Just as Eve was taken from the side of Adam, so the church was born from the suffering and death of Christ on the cross. Christ loves His church, nourishes it with His Word, cleanses it, and cares for it. Christ’s relationship to His church is the example for all husbands to follow.

Finally, it is true that Christians who marry out of God’s will and get divorced often remarry (frequently to Christians) and that God seems in grace often to sanctify and bless the second marriage. Does this mean that God modifies his standards? No. But it does mean that divorce and remarriage, as bad as they are, are not unforgivable and that God is always willing to begin again with us wherever we are or whatever we have done. Churches should never be closed to such people, and Christians above all should be understanding of others and show mercy.

Divorce difficult though this is, we must remember two things. It is not possible for the ethics of the kingdom to be articulated in anything less than ideal terms. And yet the Lord is consistently compassionate to those who fail, repent, and come back to Him for restoration.
Clearly, Jesus taught that God’s will for humankind is the indissolubility of marriage, and the equal partnership within that marriage bond. For Christians, His teaching is normative.

Nevertheless, the whole thrust of his teaching is against legalism. What is more, Jesus is replying to a hostile question from the Pharisees and operates within the constraints of that context. And He is giving an ideal, not laying down the law. He keeps his promises; he is a God of great faithfulness and steadfast covenant love, and his mercies are ‘new every morning’, and ‘never come to an end’. And all God’s promises find their yes in the Lord Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 1:20).

What is manifest is that He is in principle against divorce and remarriage, and would be appalled at the ease and frequency with which it takes place today. One of the most powerful Christian witnesses possible these days is the eloquent example of a warm, forgiving, hospitable, united and happy Christian home.

In my opinion, Christians who have been divorced unscripturally and then remarried can truly repent of their sin and be restored to the Lord and to the fellowship of the church because divorce is not an unpardonable sin. In the matter of divorce, it seems that almost every case is different. Therefore, the elders of a local church must prayerfully investigate each case individually and judge it according to the Word of God.